The Realisation I Don’t Actually Have To Get Married Has Made Me Feel £20,000 Richer

October 2016 update: Jake and I have split up since I wrote this post. Cringe. I’ve not yet decided what to do with posts like this, but for now I’ll leave them as they are.

Ever since I was a child I always assumed I’d get married one day. I never put too much thought into it, I just always assumed I’d get a good job, buy a big house, get married, have kids, and live the perfect life.

Thankfully, Jake and I are in agreement that we’d like to spend the rest of our lives together. We’ve talked about who we’d invite to our wedding and we’ve bickered over the names of our future kids. He wants to call his son John. Jake’s last name is Smith. I’m not letting my kid share his name with ale and Pocohontas’ boo. I digress.

Despite my dreams of wearing a big white dress and seeing Jake waiting for me at the alter in a fancy suit, I recently found myself asking “Do we actually have to get married?”

Of course, the answer is ‘no’ but to be honest, this realisation surprised me a little bit. I guess I’ve always just assumed it would happen. It’s as though marriage is the default option and something you kinda have to do when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. It’s a bit weird and silly when you really think about it.

This train of thought got me wondering “Why do I want to get married?” and I really struggled to answer it.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Jake and have 3, 4, or maybe even 5 of his babies (none of them will be called John or Will or Anna Nicole), but it’s 2016 and we don’t have to get married to do these things. We don’t have to get married to prove our love to each other. We don’t have to get married to be committed.

So why do I want to get married? I suppose I’ve always liked idea of having this big fairytale day that is all about me and Mr Right. I love the idea of the whole family and all my friends coming together for a big celebration. But let’s be honest, it would hardly work out like the movies. Do I really want to pay thousands of pounds for one day that might not even live up to expectations? I don’t think so.

Did you know, the average UK wedding costs £20,000? That’s insane! So when it finally occurred to me that I don’t have to get married, I kinda felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt £20k richer! I don’t even have that £20k saved yet, but when I do, it doesn’t have to go toward the big day. It could go towards something else.

That’s a house deposit right there! It’s also 10, 20 or even 30 holidays depending on how luxurious you want to go. Jake and I could use that money to travel the world. We could go to Iceland and see the Northern Lights and take a dip in the Blue Lagoon. We could go to Amsterdam and see lots of art and ride bikes and eat some cheeky brownies. We could climb the Eiffel Tower, we could pretend to push over the Leaning Tower of Pisa, we could stare in wonder at the Taj Mahal. Or, you know, we could exchange our vows in a stunning listed building in front of our friends and relatives whose faces we can’t see because they’re watching the ceremony through their cameras and iPads instead of through their eyes.

We could fork out thousands of pounds for a gluten free caterer so that I don’t have to eat a different meal from our guests or Jake and I could eat at a different restaurant each month for a year. We could hire a designer to create beautiful wedding stationery that, after being posted on Instagram for likes, our guests throw in the recycling bin, or we could spend that money during a trip to Ikea. We could spend half an hour awkwardly posing for photographs in clothes we’ll never wear again, praying the pictures turn out right because we spent 2 months’ rent on a professional photographer, or we could take hundreds of beautifully imperfect photos like the one below - for free.

Don’t get me wrong, I still might get married one day. It’s possible to do it on a budget. I love the idea of wearing a vintage wedding dress and having the reception in the back garden with a gazebo and BBQ and a table filled with home made cakes. But the realisation that I don’t have to get married at all has made me feel between £10,000 - £20,000 richer and that’s a really empowering feeling.