It’s no secret that getting married can be super expensive. Although it’s possible to get married for just a few hundred pounds, most people opt for the most expensive do they can afford - with some taking on large amounts of credit and starting married life in debt.
But one thing I don’t think we talk about enough is the cost of attending weddings as a guest. And according to a new survey from Spare Room, being a wedding guest is such expensive business that many renters struggle to make ends meet due to the cost of their friends’ weddings.
One in five renters are getting in debt because of their friends’ weddings, 15% have had to move to somewhere more affordable and 7% of those surveyed have moved back in with their parents due to difficulties paying rent.
One in seven wedding guests are spending £400 to attend each wedding - but others are splashing as much as a grand on each event.
Outfits, gifts, travel expenses and accommodation are some of the biggest expenses that wedding guests incur, with hen dos and stag parties also burning a hole in their pockets.
Expensive weddings can interrupt your own financial plans
As a teenager you might have longed for popularity, but when you get to adulthood, having a large group of friends can be less of a blessing and more of a curse. After all, the cost of attending all your pals’ big days can soon mount up. God help you if several friends get married in the space of a year or two.
When this happens, it can be game over for your own financial goals unless you find a way to turn down the invitations without causing a rift in your friendship. Whether you’re putting your deposit saving efforts on the backburner so you can attend a beautiful barn wedding on the other side of the country or you’re reducing the amount of money you throw at your debts, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your financial security or life goals to attend what’s essentially a big party.
Around 18% of Spare Room’s respondents have struggled to pay back credit card debt and 10% had to sell their belongings.
Weddings can disrupt your social life too
According to the survey, 12 percent of respondents have had to turn down other social occasions because they’re on a tight budget after attending a fancy wedding.
Wave goodbye to your travel plans
If you can only afford to go on one holiday each year and then an old pal from uni announces he’s getting married in Berlin (it just so happens you went there with your boyfriend last year), what do you do? That’s 2021’s trip to Paris out the window.
Not only might you have to budget for overseas weddings, you may be invited to stag and hen dos abroad. Considering how important these events are likely to be to brides and grooms, it can be difficult to turn these events down and put yourself first.
Friendships are being torn apart
Wedding expenses can cause friendships to end with a third (32%) turning down wedding invitations and one in five falling out with their mates due to the financial stress to attend their weddings.
Of those turning down wedding invitations due to financial concerns, nearly half (43%) say they’ve lost friends entirely due to this - this figure rises to a huge 62% with millennials.
And it’s hard to talk about this because when you speak about it publicly, there’s a risk you might offend everyone from those whose weddings you’ve already attended to those who are currently engaged.
It’s a tricky one really, isn’t it? And it’s easy to sympathise with all sides. If one of your pals says they can’t afford to attend your wedding but you’ve seen them getting whamoed in ‘Spoons every Friday, I can see how that might be hard to come to terms with.
But from the point of view of the guest, how many sacrifices should they be expected to make for your wedding? Should your friend turn down other social plans so they can save up for your big day?
I guess we all just need to take responsibility for our own finances and we need to learn to stand up for ourselves when faced with non-essential events that will throw our financial stability off track.
I posted about Spare Room’s findings on Instagram and it sparked a really interesting discussion. Here are just a few of the comments:
“I had seven weddings to go to in 2015…I also got made redundant that year. Being a terrible introvert sharing hotel rooms after a full on day is too much.”
Hannah
“I have never really enjoyed weddings because I have not really been able to afford them. I was a bridesmaid once for my older cousin and her hen was so expensive for my measly salary (they were all older, and generally earned more!) and my cousin was like “I have had to pay for so many expensive hens it’s now my turn!” And I couldn’t not go, as it’s a relative and I’m a bridesmaid but arghhh I was so poor afterwards. Now I’m getting married and so conscious that people may be in my situation then - but I also want a good send off… and unsure how to do this.”
Helen
“I went to a cousins wedding a few years ago and it cost me a thousand pounds in hotels, food and travel as I was in Somerset and they were in Yorkshire”
Liam
“Such an important topic! When I was in grad school, I started making hand made wedding gifts for friend’s weddings to save money. I’ve also found that going in on a group gift can help, too. The hardest is when you are in the wedding because there are so many more expectations, $$$ and otherwise.”
Grace
