Earlier this year Paulette Perhach wrote a viral article called A Story of a Fuck Off Fund. Her article told of a woman who managed to escape an abusive relationship and a sexually harassing boss thanks to a secret stash of cash aka her Fuck Off Fund.
It needs to be said that in some abusive relationships, having money isn’t enough to make the nightmare end. Domestic abuse isn’t an issue that’s exclusive to the poor, and more often than not there are a range of factors that make victims stick with their abusers such as love, fear, and crushed self-esteem.
Although a Fuck Off Fund is far from a magic solution, it’s a fact that many people around the world do find themselves trapped in situations that they can’t escape from due to a lack of money. From abusive relationships to toxic workplaces, money can sometimes be the key to getting the fuck out of dodge.
Paulette’s article has undoubtedly inspired thousands of women and men to take a good look at their finances and start squirrelling money away in case they ever needed to escape. Okay, I don’t have stats. This is a guess.
Yesterday I hosted the weekly UK Money Bloggers’ #MondayMoneyUK Twitter chat. Bloggers and Twitter users joined forces to talk ‘Freedom Funds’ (a much more polite way of saying Fuck Off Fund). Here are the questions I asked:
Q1: When you hear the term #FreedomFund, what does it mean to you? - Is it important? Who needs one? #MondayMoneyUK @UKMoneybloggers
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
Q2: Have you ever needed a #FreedomFund ? If so, why? Did you have one at the time? #MondayMoneyUK @UKMoneybloggers
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
Q3: What do you think stops people from saving their own #FreedomFunds ? #MondayMoneyUK @UKMoneybloggers
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
Q4: What are your top tips for someone who needs to save a #FreedomFund fast? #MondayMoneyUK @UKMoneybloggers
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
Let’s take a look at some of the key takeaways from the chat along with some of the answers…
1. A Fuck Off Fund is not to the same as an emergency fund
During the chat, I learnt just how important it is to differentiate a Fuck Off Fund from an ordinary emergency fund.
An emergency fund aka an ‘Oh Shit Fund‘ (I like swearing) is a type of cash stash you use for unexpected expenses such as a broken boiler or a new car after an accident.
A Fuck Off Fund is different. This is a fund you use to silently tell someone to fuck off! It’s a wad of cash you use to fund your escape and make a fresh start. It’s an account that tides you over and keeps you out of the red in times of crisis.
When we say #FreedomFund, we’re mostly talking a stash of cash you set aside to escape from a bad partner, job you hate or financial abuse
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
.@MrsMummypennyUK @tomchurch Big diff between emergency savings & protecting yourself from controlling partner #MondayMoneyUK @CantSwingACat
— Andy Webb CleverCash (@AndyCleverCash) September 19, 2016
2. In a relationship? You need a Fuck Off Fund each
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers love is… both having freedom funds 🙂 #MondayMoneyUK
— Zoe Morrison (@Ecothrifty) September 19, 2016
Some people responded that they share a Fuck Off Fund with their partner. Although I do think it’s better to save money together than not save any money at all, I personally wouldn’t call this a Fuck Off Fund. Here are two reasons a shared FoF is not a good idea:
- If your relationship turns sour and you want to grab your cash and leave, dipping into a joint bank account might not be ideal or even possible
- If you decide you want to quit your job and rely on your joint Fuck Off Fund, you’ve gotta run this by your partner to ensure they’re okay with you dipping into your shared stash
If your relationship is strong, you and your partner should be spurring each other on and encouraging one another to save for your own independence. This might sound incredibly unromantic but I think it’s the opposite. By working together to save separate cash stashes, you can both have confidence that you’re together because of love - not because you’d struggle financially if you separated.
At the moment I’m trying to encourage my boyfriend to save his own #FreedomFund. I hope he doesn’t use it to leave me tho 😉 #MondayMoneyUK
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
If my partner was unhappy, I’d never want him to stay because he couldn’t afford to leave. #FreedomFunds are a must-have #MondayMoneyUK
— Jenni Hill (@CantSwingACat) September 19, 2016
3. A Fuck Off Fund isn’t a magical solution for financial or domestic abuse
Unfortunately, in cases of financial or domestic abuse, saving a Fuck Off Fund each isn’t quite so straightforward. Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s a sad fact that you may one day be in a relationship where you lose financial control.
.@Ecothrifty @CoraHarrison15 @CantSwingACat The problem is really when people don’t have control or ownership of money #MondayMoneyUK
— Andy Webb CleverCash (@AndyCleverCash) September 19, 2016
I’ve seen situations where someone has been forced to pay their monthly salary into a partner’s account. Purely to control. https://t.co/YidiQ3Uvhn
— Kalpana Fitzpatrick (@KalpanaFitz) September 19, 2016
If you’re being physically or mentally abused by your partner or you’re in a relationship where you have no financial power, please ask for help if you can. A Fuck Off Fund can certainly help some people to break free, but it won’t work for everyone. Whether you have money saved or not, if you feel trapped, seek support.
If you’re a woman, give Refuge or Women’s Aid a call.
If you’re a man, contact Men’s Advice Line.
4. You need a Fuck Off Fund even if you’re in a great relationship and have an amazing job
I often hear people say that they don’t need a Fuck Off Fund because they’re in a strong relationship and have a job that they love. Personally, I think this is the best possible time to make a start on your FoF!
Just because you don’t need one now doesn’t mean you won’t need one in the future. Circumstances can change, the most beautiful relationships can break down, and dream jobs can be lost, forcing you to take the first job you can find elsewhere - whether it’s a nice environment or not.
By making a start today, if you ever find yourself in a situation you wish to escape from, your money is right there when you need it.
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers The best time to start saving for a #FreedomFund is now! The time will never be right. #MondayMoneyUK
— Money Nuggets (@MoneyNuggetsUK) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers I needed one when my husband left me in debt but sadly I did not have one and ended up bankrupt #freedomfund
— Make-up As Therapy (@shipley_sally) September 19, 2016
5. Sacrifices may need to be made to save your Fuck Off Fund
Saving a Fuck Off Fund is certainly not easy, especially if you’re on a tight budget and often have too much month at the end of the money. But, the vast majority of people should be able to make a few cutbacks or increase their income. An exception to this is in cases of financial abuse - in which case you may need outside help from friends, family or domestic violence charities.
Here are a few tips to help you save a FoF fund if you’re in a position to:
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers #mondaymoneyuk A2 Built secret fund at end of 5 yr relationship in my 20s. Managed to go without & save 5k.
— Mrs Mummypenny (@MrsMummypennyUK) September 19, 2016
Q4. Query every decision to spend & only buy essentials. See if you can earn more, or sell stuff, to start a #Freedomfund #MoneyMoneyUK https://t.co/AgmHGIEtVt
— MuchMoreWithLess (@MuchMore_Less) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers q4 sell unused tech/clothes and cut down on non-essentials #freedomfund #moneymondayuk
— Jamie Smith (@jnksgb) September 19, 2016
Step 2: increase income. Side hustle like mad #MondayMoneyUK https://t.co/uThhYnNw5W
— Frugal Options (@FrugalOptions) September 19, 2016
6. A Fuck Off Fund is super empowering and everyone can benefit from having one
No matter who you are or what you do, you can benefit from having a Fuck Off Fund. It’s by no means a perfect solution, but it’s better to have one rather than not have one. If you don’t have your own cash stash, start saving for one today!
Very true. Having your own money helps to make the right choices for you, without feeling trapped. #FreedomFund #MondayMoneyUK https://t.co/qyivQSt9vS
— MuchMoreWithLess (@MuchMore_Less) September 19, 2016
#MondayMoneyUK my #freedomfund wasn’t money but skills, it meant I could just quit
— Frugal Queen (@queen_frugal) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers A1: For me it means freedom to do anything + I think everyone should aim to have one. #MondayMoneyUK
— Nicola (@thefrgalcottage) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers it is important&everyone needs one! It can stop people being being stuck in a bad situation. #MondayMoneyUK
— Zoe Morrison (@Ecothrifty) September 19, 2016
A1. I think everyone should have one, but those in financially imbalanced relationships (1 person working) need them more. #MondayMoneyUK
— Lee Balders (@HomelyEconomics) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers To me, it means having the funds necessary to secure freedom of some kind. Whether that (1/2) #MondayMoneyUK
— Rebecca Smith (@OhNoItsBex) September 19, 2016
@CantSwingACat @UKMoneybloggers be freedom from a toxic job, an abusive partner or financial freedom in general #MondayMoneyUK
— Rebecca Smith (@OhNoItsBex) September 19, 2016
If you’d like to read more on this topic, here are a few other FoF related posts I’ve written recently:
I Have A Fuck Off Fund And You Need One Too
