Ask Yourself These Questions Before Paying Off Your Partner’s Debtfeatured

It’s not unusual for unmarried couples to find themselves in drastically different circumstances financially. In the early stages, where you’re just dating and seeing how things go, this is rarely an issue. But when you move in together or start talking houses or marriage or babies, suddenly your polar opposite finances may become a concern, particularly if you have a healthy savings account while your partner is in the red.

No matter how you’ve ended up in such drastically different situations, you may find yourself contemplating paying off their debts in order to get a fresh start and build your lives together. But before you hand over your precious cash, be sure to ask yourself the questions below. After all, this may not be as wise a decision as you think it is…

Do I plan to spend the rest of my life with this person?

If you don’t plan to spend the rest of your life with someone, why help them with their finances? Some might disagree with me here and I welcome your thoughts in the comments below. But right now, I can’t see how paying off the debt of someone who you don’t have a future with can help anyone.

If you were planning to get married or buy a house together, tackling their debts as soon as possible would make sense but if you don’t imagine the relationship will last forever, what’s in it for you?

Will the debt grow bigger the longer it takes to pay it off?

Yes - If you’re keen to spend the rest of your lives together and your partner’s debt is getting bigger due to interest, it makes sense for you to fix this as a team. This may feel frustrating, particularly if the debts were caused before you were on the scene, but sitting back and watching the debts escalate won’t help either of you. If you’re in a position to help them pay off the debts sooner, it may be worth doing so. But, read the rest of the questions in this post before deciding whether to make the move.

No - If the debt isn’t getting any bigger, it might not be worth giving your partner money to pay it off. Think of it this way, if your partner is struggling to pay off an interest free debt to outside sources, are they really going to be any better at paying you back?

Am I in a strong position financially?

Every time we fly we’re told that in the event of an emergency we should put our own masks on before we help others. Be sure to follow this advice when it comes to money too.

Have you got any of your own debts? Pay them off first. Do you have an emergency fund? Save that first. I’d go as far as saying your emergency fund should cover six months’ worth of expenses before you help your partner with their debts.

Don’t pay off your partner’s debt if it will hurt you financially.

Could my money be better spent on my own goals?

There may be instances where your money could be spent more effectively on your own goals. And in many cases, you could help your partner by helping yourself. For example, if you’ve been saving up to buy a home and you’re a few thousand pounds away from your goal, but your partner is in debt and has little to no savings, it may make sense to buy the home on your own and have them move in with you. Assuming the mortgage is cheaper than the average rent in your area, both of you could save money on living expenses. This could allow you to save more and your other half to pay off more debt.

Obviously the above scenario won’t be applicable in every case and may not be financially viable, but it’s just one example of a time where your money could be better spent on yourself.

Can I help them pay off their debts without paying it off myself?

You don’t have to pay off their debts to help them get to a better place financially. Why not help them with vital expenses instead? That way they can take pride in paying off their debts themselves.

Instead of treating them to jewellery or gadgets or fragrances at Christmas and birthdays, gift them necessary items. Perhaps you could cover their weekly food shop, buy them a month’s travel card or pay for a visit to the hairdresser.

Can I afford to lose the money?

Do you want your partner to pay you back? If so, before paying off their debt, ask yourself how you’d feel if you never saw this money again. If you suspect the loss of this money could cause you financial hardship or a significant amount of upset, think twice before handing over the cash.

If you do decide to give your partner money towards their debts, don’t feel as though you should give more money than you’re comfortable with. Don’t give everything. Don’t overstretch yourself. The amount you give should be a drop in the water compared to the amount you have saved for yourself.

While some people would feel comfortable lending their partner upwards of £10,000 or £20,000, I personally would not feel comfortable lending my any more than £1,000 to £2,000. There will be people out there who would only give £100 or £200 and there will be people who wouldn’t feel comfortable giving anything. That’s okay.

How will I feel if the relationship ends?

Every couple in a happy and serious relationship likes to think they’ll stay together forever. Break up and divorce statistics unfortunately prove this won’t always be the case. Even if everything seems perfect now, you never know what could happen further down the line. If your relationship was to come to an end after you paid off their debt, would you be okay with never receiving that money again? Of course, there are people out there who would repay the money even after a break up, but not everyone is that honest.

Also, as terrible as this may sound, there will be people out there who would rather end the relationship than pay their partner back. If they’re not really committed to you (and they also happen to be a massive arsehole) you may as well be telling them: “Here’s £5,000. If you leave me, you’ll never have to pay it back.”

Will my partner actually learn anything from this?

The last thing you want is to pay off your partner’s debts only for them to land themselves in financial trouble again. If they don’t understand how to manage their finances effectively or they’re prone to overspending, paying off their debts might not be an effective way of tackling their problems. If you suspect your partner won’t learn anything from the experience, avoid giving them money. Instead, find other ways to help them and be sure to set a good example by demonstrating how to organise your finances effectively . In some cases, it may be worth getting your partner professional help.

What do you think? Would you ever help pay your partner’s debts? Or do you think finances should be delt with individually? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.