Remove clothes, remove jewellery, remove appendixfeatured
In work today a colleague was saying how she had her appendix taken out over the weekend. Worryingly, my first thought wasn’t “Wow. She’s returned to work fast” it was “I wonder how much an appendix weighs?” I then laughed to myself at the thought of someone somehow arranging their appendix removal on the same day as their weekly weigh in.
Of course, this isn’t how it works, and I’m pretty sure that any (minuscule) weight loss is the last thing on the mind of someone with appendicitis, but it did get me thinking about the silly rituals and lengths that people go to in order to get a bigger loss on ‘Weigh Day’.
On my first evening at Slimming World I sat and watched as people took off shoes, jumpers and jewellery as they queued to get weighed.
I’m not going to lie, I was judging them a little bit. I couldn’t help but sit there and think it wouldn’t make a difference. Besides, even if they got weighed completely naked, their waists wouldn’t be any smaller and it wouldn’t in reality undo the wine-filled weekend they’d just had. Plus at the end of the day, losing weight is about so much more than a few numbers on a scale.
But within a fortnight, I was just like them, wearing thin dresses and no jewellery whatsoever. One evening, with ten minutes to go until Weigh In, I looked in the mirror ready to put on a few dabs of foundation before leaving the house. But suddenly, I stopped myself. Looking at the tiny blob of make up on my finger, I paused for a moment and thought “what if..?” before laughing to myself awkwardly as if I hadn’t just had one of the most idiotic thoughts on the planet.
Anyway, if you’ve had a bad week and your Weigh Day is looming, you’ll be glad to know that I’ve compiled a list of fail-proof ways to lose a pound or two in time for weigh-in.
Here goes:
1. Remove clothes
2. Remove jewellery
3. Remove make up
4. Remove nail varnish
5. Remove contact lenses or glasses
6. Clean ears
7. Shave head
8. Cut nails
9. Have a Hollywood wax
10. Take the chicken fillets out of your bra
11. Have a tooth removed
12. Give blood
13. Have your appendix removed
14. Donate an organ
15. Have a baby
But hang on…I know what you’re thinking! I’ve missed one haven’t I? That one thing pretty much everyone with an ounce of curiosity has weighed themselves before and after doing. If you say that you haven’t asked yourself this question at least once in your life, and taken it into account at least once before you go to get weighed, you’re a liar.
Photo: Naked Barbie
Photo: Diet Coke Barbie
